“September 17”

Currently, I’m on the flight heading back to KL. I'm in Tawau for 2 days on a mission. Mission that determine my path. Mission that determine things that I've been planning, working, busting my ass for the past 9 years. The minute I step foot on the plane, it's all been history. Gone. Kaput. Even though it's unfair and cruel to me, I try to understand. I try to accept it. I've already gave everything but the decision is not mine.

As my previous post...It's been a dull and hectic week, month and year. Everything planned their attack at the same time in every angle. Friends, work life, and many more. At first 1 by 1, I handle it. Slowly I play my war game but when this thing hit, the one, the only one hit...,I can't take it. The truth is, I’m not ready for it. It was a head shot and I'm barely standing.

Why does this happen? Don't ask me. Until now I am still looking for an answer. The answer…. I’ve asking around but been answered with tears...Question without an answer.. Look, I’m just a simple person, well, at least not a complicated one. I plan and I execute. I’ll voice out that I’ve think is not right. I've do compliment and don't forget to reward. I’ve tried to be a gentleman as I could. Everything goes well at first, but suddenly it been blow up to pieces. It was like you building a Taj Mahal. Need a hard work and full commitment and years to complete. Build from bottom to top. When the time comes to place the dome, to complete the final touch, someone planted a bomb at the foundation and blow it one by one. Slowly, it down to the ground. Yes, I was too close to the finishing line but felt before completed the race. No second chance given. Why ? I don't have the fucking answer. To me it's unfair and cruel.

Who's to blame? I don't know actually. Fuck! I don't know. No one. It just that the victory is not on our side. We lost the battle. The end is not a good ending.

How do I feel? Good. Not good actually…Well, bad. Honestly, really bad.. but what to do? Damage has been done. Have to move forward. Create another future. However, I never regret. Not a bit. All those years were unforgetful experience. A lovely one. Thank you for that. I respect the decision.

Hope? For now, I would like to accept it as no hope. Hopeless, so I can still move and keep on moving but it’s all in god hand and deep down inside still.....Is it really happening? Will I start all over again.So far NO is the right answer. Need to focus on things. Mark my word, even all the hassle I’ve been through, I’ll make sure that my name will always be remember.

~vCoke 17 September 2007, 5th day of fasting month~

"Rise Up"

Well, my hectic week continues. I only have one day rest/relax/do what 1 want to do, only one Merdeka Eve. This week, is not my company work, but mostly is more to my freelance work. Everything want to be finished this week. It’s fucking tired man, but you have to do what you got to do. Owh, forgot, our friend has been release from police custody last few days. Thank God for that.

Yesterday, it was hell of the rain in KL. My bike has a wiring problem last week and I sent it to my regular Mechanic n Sunway, so yesterday I call my mechanic,

“Aloo boss, hows my bike? Sudah siap ka?”

“Aloo, coke, your bike sula siap. Mali amik lor…”

So, with my colleague, I drove my car to Sunway around 5.50p.m from Serdang. So, we arrived around 7.30 p.m. After pay the bills, my plan to take my bike home and my colleague follow me by driving my car, but It start raining and the LDP Sunway toll, jam like hell. So we decided to have our dinner at Bidara restaurant nearby. Around 8.00 p.m the rain become heavy. Damm heavy man. From outside of the restaurant, we have to move to the inside. 9.00 p.m, hujan maintain lebat. Same goes to 9.30p.m and at 10.00 p.m still the same. Lack of sleep + kenyang nak mampos, we decide to take a nap in the car while waiting for the rain to stop. Turn on the radio, lower the seat, and I started to snore….while I'm having by good nap, I heard crying voice, It was a woman voice! I open my eyes, its was 11.00 p.m and the rain still maintain lebat cam tadi. Ah ya, the woman voice is from the radio, Fly FM's Flirty@10.30. So while I tido-tido kucing/ayam/babun/ or whatever you call it, I opened my ears,listening to the radio.

If you haven’t heard bout this show, it is bout hooking up someone with someone he/she love but he/she afraid to confront it. So the DJ act like a cupid by calling the guy/girl while the ‘someone’ listen to the conversation. But in this case, it was slightly different. The girl was crying because she been dump by her boyfriend last month, and exactly the day she call the DJ, was their anniversary. She had a 5 year 11 month relationship before got dump. The reason is simple. One day, the boy wake up and suddenly, he felt he doesn’t love the girl anymore, so he just called her, and said I didn’t love you anymore, and lets breakup. That simple. Fast decision making. 6 years gone down the drain, with a single call. Maybe because to him, 6 years is the past, and he need to look at the future. But to me, pity that girl, coz I also don’t understand bout this ‘gone feeling’ shit. How come, 1 morning he wake up, and said “Ah, today I don’t love her anymore, so lets get rid of her.” Aiyaa…But good decision by the boy anyway, coz he didn’t make the girl waited up. So have to end this before the feeling turn from OK, to bebulu ngan that girl + give the girl a false hope. I didn’t agree with the ‘gone feeling’ but I agree with the decision. Confused?heheh. By the way, I successfully took my bike home with all my pants+shirt+boxer wet.

Today, when I busy doing my work, one of the account manager coming in and said something bout Racist fight happened in Pasir Gudang, Johor while he throwing the dart.

“Gaduh? Pasal ape?” I asked.

“Melayu and India. Kate dierang, pasal kes India rogol Melayu”, he replied.

What!!!. I heard bout that gang rape. About 6 Indians boys, 19 – 12 years old, gang rape a malay girl.

“The victim and her 24 year-old-friend were riding a scooter in Taman Nusa Damai, Pasir Gudang, when a lorry with the six suspects in it overtook them and forced the scooter off the road.Both women fell and the suspects bundled the victim into the lorry before driving off, leaving her friend behind.The victim was taken to a secluded area in Pasir Gudang, where she was gang-raped.”

I didn't sure how true it is bout the fight but this gang rape has been out on the news paper. Damm this fuckers! I don’t care what race you are, but gang rape is fucking too much. They said, because of this, the fight start. I have 3 little sis. What if this thing happened to me. Honestly I don’t what will happen to the fucker who did that, but I’m fucking sure that they will pay for it. I’m dead serious. About this racist fight, what ever it is, if this thing go big, I’m ready to ‘angkat senjata’. But as long as can keep it low, just keep it low but remember, ‘jangan sampai kene pijak kepala, maruah kene jaga’. I also heard, this is only a propaganda tapi bile dengar memang panas telinga!

Racist. This is the word that we try to avoid discussing it public because we live in multiracial country. I agree. But, to me, we must be racist. Yes we should. But not by stabbing other races with parang or knife whenever you see them, but in positive angle to develop yourself and your race. Must remember, how our nenek moyang blood have to be sacrifice to fight for Independence, yet we are slowly losing this country. Develop yourself. Do something that can give back to our race. Be someone in your career field is doing something. If they have their own doctor, we also have one. If they have sub sea engineer, we also have one (a friend of mine and I proud about it). Yes we slowly develop but not enough coz we have already left far behind. If we calculate all our wealth, and compare with other races, I think the size is about Kg. Baru. Maybe not exactly the same but I think you got the meaning. According to Forbes 2006 from top 10 richest in Malaysia, we have, one, two, three, fuck! Only 1 at number 9. Well, I'm still proud of it because he is my idol, Syed Mokhtar Al Bukhari. But we improved. I hope. Please don’t say, “what can 1 man make a difference?”. That is what loser always said.

Well, that’s life. My life and I have to fight for it everyday and it’s 12.07 a.m and still lot to do for my Lakaran Warisan book. Damm tired. Adios chico!

"Merdeka Eve"

Last 2 day,finally I got my 1st 32 pages small red book called passport. This mean I have 32 (or less) places 2 go. Not a big deal actually but at least 1 more step further. On my last trip, phuket trip, we used a group passport.Have a friend inside the agency,makes all the waiting,quequing = zero. We just come, fill some form while having breakfast, and straight 2 the counter.less than 15 min, everything done.1 of the trip participant called me and said

"Our friend inside was in police custody! "

"Aik. What happenned?"

Unfortunately, there is a drug dealer using our group and claim 2 be our friends when he want 2 make the passport. The dealer however has been caught before he reach the border. According 2 him, maybe he also has 2 give his statement later.Sigh...

Yesterday was 50th Independence Day or Merdeka Day 4 Malaysia. Honestly, 2 me , Merdeka Eve = Party, Alcohol + Drug & Sex. That is my observation for the last few years. In fact now, in become obvious in KL. I’m not really a party guy, so what the hell.

Well, on Merdeka eve, I don’t have a real plan actually.Ms. S and Ms. A asked me to hang out with them but I pass, so right after work, I picked up Mr.T at Sunway and we decided to have our dinner. Uptown suddenly pop-up in our mind so, I started driving towards Damansara. Jam like hell at LDP coz, there is a Rave party at Sunway and all the raves were towards there like bees. Upon arrival at Uptown, I ordered Nasi Goreng USA, and Mr. T favorite, Fried Balitong (now become my favorites too). Damm. This Balitong or Siput Sedut was worth paying for. High dude!. Out of 10, 8 for it. Until now, I can still imagine it slurpy taste . Huhuhuh.

Fried Balitong Before & After. Look delicious isn' t it?

After finished our dinner, we make our move right back to Sunway. When we reached there, it almost midnight, so, we stop for fireworks. Ok la, biasak jer. Maybe Sunway group not really spent much for that. Then we meet Mr. Z and Mr. Y. They just finish thier dinner. Sunway too crowded with people that looking for some entertainment, so we decide to spent a night at our usual place, Puchong Hill. After make a stop at 24hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year always open for business shop, the famous 7-E to buy our supply, we heading up to Puchong Hill. That place was pack from usual. There is a group of rempits with their under age rempitas plus a few cars with out a seat doing thier own bizz, and a few of Machas with their Machis act like their own the place and last but not least the Jinjangs group with their loud music. All trying to have some fun in thier own ways. So do we. Found our spot and parked the car. I brought my glock (pergh, macam nigger siol!), so we do some target practice there. Most of the shooters was me and Mr. Y. Mr. T prefered to watched. Mr. Z flat already. Lying in my cars, listening to radio while trying his best to go to the wonderland world. And of coz, the winner is me. huhuhuh..

At 3 am, I heading back to Seremban, coz has to pick up my parents from KLIA, leave the other 3 Mr. continuing chat about life up there. Well, not much for 50 years Merdeka Eve but that’s it. Actually, It’s depends, how you feel inside about this Independence Day. I’m not there when Tunku shouted ‘Merdeka’ for the first time, but still, I thank god that I was born and live in a Independence, civilized country. However, like I wrote above at Puchong Hill, there was no ‘Ali, Raju and Ah Seng’ spent time together, but still thank god, we can still live in this ‘harmony’ country.