“Unspoken Truth”

Life. Life is full of surprises. Life sometimes can be bad but sometimes can be good. Life sometimes can be great and life sometimes can be suck. However it depends how you enjoy the life. According to forest gump, “life is like a box of chocolate. You never know what you get.” Maybe his chocolate, but not mine. Because, every time I bought a chocolate, I know what I’m gonna get, because it written on the label with a picture of course. To me, life is like a a piece of white cloth and you are the one who paint it. The decision is yours. Up to you to make it a beautiful or worst. A long the way, you will find difficulties, but you also will find joy and happiness. Therefore we need a plan to make everything smooth and as we wanted.

Plan. “Failed to plan is plan to failed”. First time I saw this, when I stop at the traffic light near my uni, where, me and my girl going for dinner . It was an ads of a company I think, and I like it. I like it because I believe in perfection. At least tried to be a perfectionist. But somehow, not every plan is perfect. Sometimes it does have a flaw. And the impact is failure. But if we can see it happening, there is a prevention steps that we can take or else, we have to do a postmortem. However, all plans can succeed if the risk is low. Therefore, we need to do risk analysis. But in life, most people doesn’t really care bout the risk. To them, everything is gamble. Not to blame them coz normally people love to experience things. If it bad, so they wouldn’t do it again. But, the truth is plan can be disaster, if there are changes. Then you heard “Its not according to plan”.

Change. Changes. Change can be good and change can be bad. But to me, changes always bad. Some people afraid of changes including me. But like it or not, it happened. In life, in reality. Some people change but some not. They said they didn’t change. But the reality is they changed without knowing it’s happened. Of course. Coz we don’t know what will happen in the future. Normally, people will realize if is a good or a bad, later. Maybe a minute after, maybe a day after. Maybe takes week, month or years. Only time can tell. All about time.

Time. When we failed, normally people will execute the plan B. A backup plan. I call this is a suicide plan. Why? Because it is not a plan A. If it’s a good plan, it will not be called as a plan B. Always be second. But in life, normally there is no plan B. After the master plan failed, people will live it to time and of course God al-mighty. Then you heard “Time will tell” and “It on the God hands now”. But in my religion, I heard this once. Something like this “God (Allah) will not make changes if the community it self didn’t make the changes”. Means we have to do something in order to live a better life. After that we live it to God’s hand. I’ve done it. I want my life according to my plan. I’ve executed my plan. But seems is not turning according to the plan. Because of changes. No one to be blame. Coz it faith. However, I still hope somehow, someday, in the end, as I plan. Just pray to God, and time will tell.

All this, we’ve already heard, some, already experience it, but normally, we didn’t notice. Piece by piece I‘d tried to put them together and try to understand it a day after I turn one year older. At first I thought this is the worst birthday ever. But look back, I’ve learn a lot. Maybe it was the worst birthday ever, but I’ve to admit, it was really a meaningful day ever.

- vCoke, 23^rd May 2007 -

“Black Hole”

“A black hole is an object with a gravitational field so powerful that a region of space becomes cut off from the rest of the universe – no matter or radiation (including light) that has entered the region can ever escape. As not even light can escape, black holes appear black (resulting in the name for these objects).” – wikipedia-

Ring any bell bout this black hole? Have you ever bump into one? I did. Not really same but similar. Just a day before, at my company’s data center. It almost 5.30 p.m and my office’s hours will end. Thinking bout all problems currently I’m facing with, I decided to have some smoke outside of the office. Light a cigarette and sit on the bench in front of the office. Felt quiet boring, so I decided to go on tour, of my office area.

Stop. Let me describe to you about my office area. It quiet spooky at night, there. At the back of the office area, has one big bush (you may call it a little jungle) and abandoned unfinished construction site. The road to my office has stories. Freaky story. They said there is a student died at one of the corner of the road. Accident. Many said, that they bump into and odd white figure with long hair.

But I’m don’t really care bout all that stuff. Not that I’m a brave man but don’t really bother coz so far I didn’t bump into one. Ok, let’s continue. While the smoke of my cigarettes running out of my nose, I further up my steps. Walk into a restroom. Washed my face, and tidy up my belt. Suddenly I felt my stomach hurts. Damm hurts. Felt like there is an alien inside. Arghh!! What’s happening? While I take out my shirt to relieve the pain, I heart something weird. Something unpleasant. When I looked back, I found my phone casing was all over the floor. And next to it was the black hole. Shit! Where’s my phone? Not at my leather case. Damm! My nokia communicator has been suck into the black hole.

That time I’m stunt. Everything paused. Everything stop. Even though it was like few second, I felt like hours. After I get into my consciousness, I started to think how to get back my communicator. Everything is in that communicator. Everything man. All important data is in there. I tried to find something that strong and long enough to poke into the black hole. I still can see my communicator in the black hole, blinking.. calling for help. She’s drowning.

I tried everything, but failed. Last chance. I have to sacrifice my hand. This will be a history of my life. Never mind, I’ll do it for all man kind. Use my hand to get into the black hole. Using some long plastic as a protection, I began to put my hand slowly into the black hole. Stucked. The hole was to small compared to my arm. Again, I failed. Suddenly, there was a light. Some sort of flash light. I felt dizzy a bit. Then I saw my boss and my colleagues giggling. Blank..

While I’m nearly gave up, started to think bout forgetting that USD 740 phone, lost my way to communicates for a few days, one of my colleagues (Mr Hero), step forward . He’s offering me his help. Slowly he, he take his hand and put it into the black hole. Everyone waiting..

Me : “Feel anything?”

Mr. Hero : Silent…..

From his face, I can see he's struggling. Like something biting his hand.

Me : “Got it?”

Mr. Hero : Silent …..

Few minutes past by….suddenly..

Mr. Hero : “Sorry Jag…It hard, my hand hurts….sorry, I can’t help you”.

While he take his hand out of the black hole, I saw his arm bleeding and a lot of slimy liquid got into his hand. And the smell, God! Stink like hell.

He went straight to the sinky, and dropped something. My Nokia Communicator. He’s smiling. What a relief….

While I hold my breath washing the communicator for a zillion times, my mouth cursing, mumbling about the stinky black hole, the toilet bowl’s hole.

"Mind Crisis"

It’s 3.16 am in the morning. Still can sleeps. I try hard to sleep, but failed. My eyes were closed but my mind still processing. Do it what it do best. But normally, when people sleep, their mind still working. That’s what they said. I think a lot. Do a lot of thinking, even though when my eyes were closed. Got an appointment tomorrow. 10.00 am sharp at Putrajaya but still can’t sleep.

Try to call her, but her secretary answering the phone, asked me to leave a message. Been 2 weeks since we last spoke and it’s not really an enjoying conversation. So I decided to give her some space. Maybe when she ready to talk, my phone will ring.

4 hours ago, my housemate said he will be out of the house. Moving to a new house with his soul mate. He’s getting married. I’m really happy for him. 3 hours 59 minutes ago my mind also can’t stop thinking about what happened next. What will happen tomorrow? Have to find a new house or a new housemate. Thinking about marriage. Thinking bout the pay cheque that I haven’t received yet for last month.

My housemate, whom I called him Jag (he also called me Jag) was kinda straight forward person. Nice and quite religious. He also is a light sleeper. If I want to wake him up, I just said ‘Jag!!’, and his eyes will open. It really contrasts from me. Even you put a bomb right beside my ears and blow it up, I’m not really sure I will woke up. Have u ever received a ‘missed call’ total up to 80 times? I did. It was my girlfriend trying to wake me up. I think so far she is the only one can do that. How patient she is right? But now, I try not to bother her so much. Try to deal with my long long problem. Yup, I got this virus a long long time ago. It is hard for me to wake up on time especially early in the morning. Can’t really have a solution for that but what I did is workaround. If I got an early morning appointment, I will try not to sleep at all. But if I really tired, I will sleep in front of my door step. So if 'Jag' wants to go to work, he will definitely wake me up. So far, it’s works.

I also have other method. Try not to sleep at comfortable place such my bed. Sleep in living room, on my couch, on the floor or at my door steps. At first it’s ok, but lately I feel the impact of the action. My back really hurt. Still hurt until now. Back pain. Thanks to my mom knee patches, it’s help to ease the pain. And because of my other method, my bed becomes a place where I put my things on. At first only the bed, but now, my room become a store room. Still don’t have time to clean it up.

Now 3.50 am, I got more 6 more hours before the appointment. Means, another 4 hours to have a rest before getting ready to go. But still haven’t decided to sleeps or to stay up. I feel quiet tired now. Smoke first. Hmm…. I think I made my decision. I will choose my door step. Night all…..