“2007 Mid Year Wrap-Up”

Seven is my lucky number. There was a reason, and it was definitely just not a random selection. To me, sEven is significant almost everything. For example, in Islam, there were 7 layers that perform this atmosphere. 7 is the total “ayat” in surah Al-Fatihah. For techy world, there are 7 layers in OSI model, In casinos, the line 7-7-7 (triple seven, not seven hundred seventy-seven) is a common winning line on slot machines. In our day life, it has 7 days a week, but when people ask me why I choose this number, I reply back “It was the number of Eric Cantona’s jersey”. To tell you the truth, Cantona was the 1^st football player I know since him wearing the no. 7. I never like football anyway. By giving such an answer, people will stop asking for more explanation and I can save my breath for others. So, suppose to be 2007 was my lucky year but it seems that luck is not on my side.

I was a man that lives with principal. To me, as long as it doesn’t breach the border, you are free to go. Maybe this stuff known as “Bullshit” to the ladies, but no offences, that is the reason, why ladies can’t lead. Maybe most of the man will agreed with me. Man that like to watch “Godfather & scarface” type of movie. Man that will see black as a black and not pretend that as a white. Man that has a gut to step up for what he believes it’s truth. Man that doesn’t afraid to the commitment. Man that we can call the Man. But last night, I dishonor the thing that I value most, my principal. I did few things that I’m not proud of, and maybe the thing that my parent regrets to give birth to me as his son, I guess.

Why? It was because last night was the night that I been afraid of. The night that I loose my judgment as a man. As a wise man. Why? Because last night was the night that my level of frustration, anger and hate are beyond limits. Never felt this way before and it fucking hurts. Last night was the night that I felt all those principal are bullshit. All the ethics are nonsense.

Well, below are the mid year wrap-up for my so-called “lucky” year:

a) Love life: Things start quite smooth in the beginning of the year, but become a bit shaky in the middle. It felt like you riding a bike on a long road. It was a fun ride at 1^st. The ride was smooth in the beginning but suddenly, I’ve passed by a bumpy road. Decided to continue the ride, I began to handle the bike with care. While playing with the throttle and done some balancing, I kept on going and hoping this bumpy road will turn to a smooth sail road. But until now, it still bumpy and seems to getting worst. Don’t know what went wrong. As rider of the bike, you will use all the skills that you have to make it works. That’s for sure. But remember, it was not an easy task, and of course, a right hand of co-rider is important to make the mission success. Last but not least, Gods will. But, honestly, now I’m confused about all this. Don’t know what to believe anymore.It seems that hope will be remain as hope.

My mother used to say, “If God says that it does belong to you, at the end of the day, it will come as God’s plan. Just have some faith”. Mom, thanks for the advice. You are the best mom in the world.

b) Brothers: Being the only man in the family, this brotherhood spirit is important to me. I used to have a lot of friends that I called brothers. I repeat, “I used”. It was my high schools friend. Batch of Meranti. 10 years ago, almost every members of Meranti would sacrifice for each others. Blood in, blood out. Almost 100 plus of us. We shared tears and joy together. Food and pillow together. But now, Batch of Meranti is dead. I repeat, DEAD. Hard to believe but that’s the truth. The spirit slowly fades away. This year supposed to be our 10 years of gathering but I don’t know if It will happened as it should be. Deep down inside, I still hope this 10 years get together will be time to remember.

c) Career: I think I’ve been cursed. Currently, it is my 4^th job. All previous company and even the current company I work and used to work end-up either “bungkus” or having a bad financial crisis. I realize, it was a business nature, but what the fuck! Don’t let other people pay for your own mistake. My salary has been overdue about 2 months. Why I didn’t quit and start looking for other job? Because this is the only company (that I used to work) that gave a bunch of knowledge. However, every living thing on earth has it owns limit. Currently, my indicator almost reaches the max level. Almost. Just wait for a few weeks and see how.

d) Business: This is only thing that going quite well. Alhamdullilah. Thank God. The opportunity keep coming in and sometime I have to say no. My hands are full. I barely sleep. However, live must go on. All this is my preparation for end of the road. Hopefully.

Now, I still try to strength up here and there. Try to stick back to what I believe and hopefully, when year 2008 comes, 2007 will end as my lucky year.