"Sigh..."

Its 5.49 a.m and I’m still awake. Supposed to has a fight last night. I’m ready for it. For my brothers. But it’s not according to plan. Damm rich kid. Damm DRUNK kid. Maybe it’s hard to understand, but either you IN or OUT. There is no in the middle.

Actually, that is life. IN or OUT. DO IT or DON’T. You have to decide. Must have that Principe. How am I doing now? Doing fine I guess. It was a hectic week. Really. After got back from JB, I has to run a show that supposed be done by other people. Irresponsible. That’s the word. I’m stuck 4 days for that. But you have to follow the BOSS orders. That’s the work works. Play the game or out of the game.

A night before, me and the boys, we hang out at Puchong Hill. Nothing special there except it has excellent view. We just talked about out life. Have a drink and review back what has passed in our life. One subject been pop-up during that time. About “Black Heart”. It was a long conversation. It’s about your heart. When you born, you heart is pure. Really pure. Time passing by. Month become years. You’ve been through so many things. A lot of things. Heart that so pure slowly turning. Slowly become dark and darker. You don’t even realize until it become black. A Black Cold Heart. That’s what I’m afraid of. Lately I’m quite open. I’m open my mind to a lot of things. Things that I kept it closed before. Some of them good and some are bad. Actually I’m not really sure which one is good or bad. Quite confused this time. But what ever it is, I continue living this life.

Last week, on the same day as today I sent my mom to KLIA for her, my father and little sis Umrah. It was quite sad moment for my father. Only one of his siblings came, out of 12. In his eyes, I know there is still a hope. I don’t really understand this war between siblings. A Civil War. How can you fight between each other for so long when you come from a same bloodline? This where the Egoism come to the picture. FUCK this entire fucking ego attitude. When you become older, this thing becomes nonsense to me. Why you must kept things to yourself when there is a lot of ways to settle things. Why is so hard to say ‘Sorry’ when you know it will get rid of the puzzle? Why so hard to ‘Forgive’ when it can change the bad to good? Damm. It’s all about family. However, I learned a lesson there. As a one man show, I’ll protect my own from all this kind of thing. This family thingy now become priority to me.

Well, actually a lot of depressing thing was happened this week and yet so a few lovely thing to cheer thing up. However, notice the pink(or brownish?) shirt/dress with her new hair color picture just now make me smile a bit.Sweet like an angle. At least I know she’s doing fine. Sigh…

Now, 10 minute to 7 a.m. At 8 I have a paint ball game. Malas giler. Yang pegi buat tournament pagi buta apesal? Dah la on Sunday. Promise has been made. So, I have to commit. Penat siolll.. sometimes I wonder, sampai bile aku nak hidup macam nih? I don’t know. Time will tell.